Clowns, Horror and Mustard
by FemaleWolverine
Summary: Come enjoy the fun house


_Author's note: This is for a contest in the CHiP's forum 7 mary 4 and others. The category was horror/comedy and clowns. I intended to make it comedic and horror-ish but not too scary for younger readers. I got the word mustard and had to use it 3 times. I hope you enjoy my story._

Jesse Fields smiled as he walked down the hallway and into the briefing room, he sat down next to Bonnie and smiled at her politely.

"How's the rookie doing," Grossie said with a smirk.

Jesse cringed he hated being the rookie and he hated Grossman even more than he hated that, Jesse tried to ignore the comment, Jon baker came in and sat on the other side of Jesse.

"Congratulations on surviving your first week kiddo," Jon said trying to be polite.

Jesse could tell Jon was trying to be nice but he didn't like being called "kiddo" either,

"Thanks, Jon, I'm honored to be part of the team," Jesse said trying to sound professional.

"Where's Ponch?" Bonnie asked Jon.

"I don't know probably just a bit late," Jon said then took a big bite of his apple.

"He's late for his shift, why not be late for this meeting? Am I right," Jeb said as he took a seat behind them.

Jon chuckled.

"He's probably at the vending machine now getting a ding dong. He's not late until Getraer gets here and he's not here yet so Ponch is still good on time."

"Baker, you and I both know he's gonna be late," Jeb said with a chuckle.

Jon nodded with a smile.

Getraer came in,went up to the podium and began speaking.

"Alright let's begin, as you know we have been planning a community event for some time now last week we took a vote and we are going to host a-" just then Ponch strolled in, Jeb laughed.

"Late as usual, Ponch."

"It wasn't my fault! My ding dong got stuck in the vending machine," Ponch said as he took his seat.

Getraer looked disappointed.

"Poncherello, you could have waited till after the meeting. Anyway, as I was saying before, the votes were counted and, we are hosting a carnival," The officers all clapped.

"Oh boy a carnival, that sounds terrific!" Ponch whispered to Jon.

Then Getraer started talking again. "We need people for each job, who wants to be in charge of the corn dog stand?"

"I do," Grossie said.

"Course you want to be around the food," Jesse mumbled. Everything Grossie did annoyed him.

"He's gonna put mustard on everything," Jeb teased.

Grossie smirked.

Getraer continued. "We need someone to greet the people."

"ME!" Ponch said excitedly.

Getraer wrote that down then looked back up. "We need someone in charge of the fun house," Getraer said.

Jesse raised his hand. "Sounds like fun."

"Good, job rookie. I'm happy to see you participate," Getraer said.

Jesse glared. He hated Getraer more than anyone else in the station because he reminded him of his father, Jesse hated his father and once again he was called rookie. The meeting dragged on and soon enough they had someone for every job, Jesse, Jon, and Ponch all got up at the same time.

"I'm excited about this carnival thing," Ponch said.

"Of course you are," Jon said smiling.

"Hey, Jess, Jon and I are heading over to my house for tacos, you're welcome to join us," Ponch said.

"Thanks, but I got to get home and feed my dog," Jesse said then got into his car and drove off.

 _Later at Ponch's apartment._

"Hey, Jon, what'd you think of Bonnie's new partner," Ponch asked raising an eyebrow.

"Jesse? I thought he was okay but he needs to open up a bit."

"I agree. You excited about that carnival," Ponch asked excitedly.

"Yeah, sure partner," Jon nodded half heartedly.

 _Meanwhile_

"Hey, Jess," Scott, Jesse's roommate said as he walked into his house after a long day of work.

Jesse didn't reply. Scott started walking over to the desk Jesse was sitting at.

"Bro, don't ignore me man,I help pay rent and I'm your closest friend," Scott said laying a hand on Jesse's shoulder.

Jesse still didn't respond. Scott looked at Jesse's face, Jesse's eyes were bloodshot and he was just staring into oblivion. Scott began to feel a dark presence, he waved his hand in front of Jesse's face to get his attention, Jesse's eyes didn't move but he grabbed Scott's arm.

"Bro, this is weird can you not?" Scott said beginning to get weirded out, Jesse's hand began to change, it was deep red, almost demonic looking.

Scott's eyes went wide then something grabbed him he tried to move but it was much stronger then him, he tried to scream out for help but not only was there a hand over his mouth but he was so scared the scream wouldn't even come out. Suddenly Jesse disappeared and the thing let Scott go Jesse looked to see what grabbed him he saw Jesse smiling.

"Jesse, what the heck was that?"

"It's for the fun house," Jesse said smiling.

"Bro it's for kids! Also how the heck did you get there? You were at the desk," Scott said weirded out.

"Scott, it was a hologram, did you notice that it felt real though, that took a lot of work to add that. It was me who grabbed you, I didn't want you to get the neighbor's attention because it wasn't an actual problem. Also, I know it's a kids thing but that part is for Getraer," Jesse said.

"Jesse, I know you hate him, but I think you need to calm down. First of all he's your boss so you could get fired, second he's old he's not gonna go in a fun house," Scott said.

"Scott, you are so ignorant, Sarge has kids he has to go!"

"No, you'll scare his kids too!"

"I'll split them up, I have a foolproof plan!" Jesse said then began laughing, Scott rolled his eyes.

"Ok then, I'm gonna go to bed I'm tired," Scott said then left.

 _On the day of the carnival_

"Hey, Jesse," Ponch said as Jesse got out of his truck to start setting up the fun house.

"Heya, Ponch," Jesse said with a smile, he was excited for the carnival.

"So, what is your funhouse gonna be like?" Ponch asked.

"Exciting! When you first go in it's gonna have a clown, then two different hallways one leads to the mirrors the other leads to the candy room, after that and awesome exit!" Jesse said smiling.

"Sounds Terrific!" Ponch said smiling.

"Clowns don't go at carnivals rookie, they go at circuses," Grossie cut in.

Jesse glared.

"Well I think it could go either way and I didn't ask you," Jesse said then left to start working on his fun house.

 _Later after the fun house was set up._

"Hey, Ponch, I finished the funhouse!" Jesse said happily.

"Terrific can I see it?" Ponch asked.

"Of course," said Jesse. They walked over to the fun house.

"This is where the clown is gonna be at to greet the people, then they will choose a hallway, they don't know which hallway goes where, but I'll let you pick," Jesse said excitedly showing Ponch his creation.

"Candy of course!" Ponch said with a smile.

"Right this way," Jesse said walking towards the right. The hallway was dimly lit and filled with paintings, stuffed animals, streamers and tickets, the hallway went straight for a while and finally there was a small door, it hd a note, it read.

 _Dear reader,_

 _This door is locked, it cannot be opened unless you have the proper key, the key is hidden under the fourth floor mat, no time to waste the door cannot be opened if you do not find it in 1 minute and 30 luck!_

 _~Fun master._

"4th mat, lets move," Ponch said as he hurried back to the 4th floor mat and looked underneath, there was a key in a small square box. Ponch grabbed the key and ran up to the door.

"I hope when I unlock this there is a bigger door because I cannot fit in this door," Ponch said as he unlocked it. He unlocked it and a door on the ceiling popped open, stairs came out and Ponch began climbing the stairs, Jesse followed. Once they reached the top a voice over a speaker said.

"Please close the door using the green button," Ponch pushed the green button and the door went up with the stairs. Ponch looked around the room it was filled with labelled candy dispensers.

"You can press up to five dispensers, no charge, however it does charge to enter the fun house to cover the cost of the candy. Even the people who went through the hall of mirrors get a lollipop at the end. As for people like you, who chose the candy room, not only are there candy dispensers, but also cake dispensers, including ding dongs, and of course a chocolate fountain, you can dip 2 strawberries in. Sadly I had to portion everything for cost reasons, but I think it works pretty great," Jesse said proudly showcasing his funhouse.

"Terrific! I'm getting ding dongs," Ponch said excitedly, he was just like a little kid.

"I'm eating your strawberries," Jesse said as he dipped his strawberries in chocolate, Ponch nodded as he picked his last of the five items. After they finished in the candy room they excited and Jesse continued explaining things.

"I have a key generator and 5 keys when you grab a key from the doormat a new one automatically appears, when you leave one in the door handle it is returned to the machine and a box outside the door collects any extra keys and takes them back to the generator. As for the time limit on finding the key, you can actually take longer than 1 minute and 30 seconds and be just fine I just wanted it to seem like it had to be done quickly for time clown keeps members busy while they wait because obviously we are limited on the amount of people that can be allowed in here at one time."

"Wow! Who's gonna be your clown?" Ponch asked raising an eyebrow.

"Me!" Jesse said with a smile.

"Fantastic," Ponch said with a smile.

"I have to go get in uniform. I hope you enjoyed the funhouse, see you later," Jesse said then turned and left.

 _Later after the carnival started._

"Hey, Rick, did you see the funhouse?" Ponch asked his fellow greeter.

"Nope," Rick replied.

"You should, it's terrific!" Ponch said with a smile.

"Sure it is," Rick said sounding sarcastic. Just then a young goth kid and his mom came over.

"Hey kiddo, ready to have some fun?" Ponch said as he gave him a high five.

"Dumb kid," Rick said with a smirk, Ponch didn't look amused.

"That kid is my nephew, and he is amazing and he's proud of the way he looks, and if it makes him confident and he is expressing who he is, I'm proud of it too, he's a pretty terrific kid."

"Oh," Rick said feeling awkward.

Getraer and his kid, Ellen, Timmy, and Chris walked up to Ponch.

"Hey, Chris, ready to have fun?" Ponch asked, Chris smiled.

"Yes, I'm gonna win prizes with daddy!"

"Have fun winning prizes, Sarge," Ponch said as he patted Getraer on the shoulder.

 _Later_

"Daddy, let's go to the biggest tent!" Chris said pulling on his father's arm.

"Ok Chris, we'll go to the funhouse," Getraer said then got in line with his son.

"Look Dad, a clowny clown!" Chris said pointing and jumping up and down.

"Yes, it's a clown!" Getraer said with a smile. The clown came over and honked its nose at Chris, Chris smiled.

"Hi clown."

"Do you want a balloon animal?" The clown asked.

"YES!YES I WANT A BALLOON GIRAFFE!" Chris said excitedly. The clown made a Giraffe balloon animal and handed it to Chris.

"Thank you clowny!" Chris said then hugged the clown. The clown honked its nose at Chris one more time and left to another person. Chris began playing with the giraffe. Soon it was their turn for the fun house.

"Daddy, we gotta go to different hallways because I'm a big boy now!" Chris said excitedly.

"Chris, I don't know about that," Getraer said.

"He'll be fine," The clown said.

"C'mon dad, please," Chris begged.

"Fine, but be safe," said Getraer.

"Right this way," The clown said pointing Chris to the right. Chris took off skipping. Getraer went the other way. He walked down the hallway quickly and get to the hall of mirrors. Getraer looked at how funny he looked in different mirrors making him longer or shorter. Then he got to a door and opened it inside was a round room with mirrors everywhere, a clown stepped in behind him and closed the door. He started attacking Getraer, Getraer tried to defend himself but the clown was much stronger then him, Getraer was getting beat up badly he reached into his pocket and found a condiment packet from the hot dog stand he visited earlier.

 _"Please let this work" He thought._

Getraer pulled out the packet, opened it and squirted mustard into the clown's eyes.

"MY EYES!" The clown screamed and let go of Getraer. Getraer got up and dashed towards the mirrors trying to find a way out as fast as he could, he found it on his 3rd try and dashed out the door, he was handed a lollipop from a machine, he didn't take it, instead he tried to find where Chris was, he found Ponch.

"Ponch have you seen Chris?" Getraer asked in panic.

"Yeah he just went to see Betty by the hot dog stand. Isn't the fun house great?" Ponch asked smiling.

"It's terrible I'll explain later make sure nobody else goes in!" Getraer said. Ponch left looking confused, but he listened. Two other officers walked by.

"Help me!" Getraer said motioning them over. They came over and he whispered stuff to him. The clown came out of the funhouse and the two officers cuffed him. Getraer went to the front to check on Ponch and he saw Ponch talking to the clown, all the people were gone.

"Sarge, he won't respond." Ponch said, Getraer looked confused.

"Are there two clowns?" Getraer mumbled. He went back to the back and he saw a cord, he unplugged it, then walked back up to Ponch. Ponch looked confused.

"He disappeared," Ponch said.

"I unplugged him," Getraer said trying to explain.

"You unplugged him?" Ponch asked now even more confused.

"He was a hologram," Getraer explained.

"Oh," Ponch said.

 _Later at the station Getraer was talking to a couple of his officers from his shift._

"So how'd you win the fight?" Grossie reached into his pocket and grabbed another condiment packet and tossed it into Grossie's hand.

"Mustard?"

 **The End**


End file.
